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How Does Your Man Measure Up?

Here's the handiest hardcore test of the man you've landed, lady!
With just a little practise, you'll never make that heart-breaking mistake again. Here's how it works. The first bit's easy. Tell him to measure something ... But remember! It must be something vertical (and preferably high up, to make it a challenge). Then match your observations, of how he approaches it, to the (comprehensive) checklist below.

Certain points about him will emerge quickly. If he uses metric measurements your man is correct while, if he employs British Standard, he is a trifle unfortunate. If he measures carefully that man is careful. If not he is careless and might need a dig in the ribs! If he cheats, you can straight away be certain of one thing: He's a cheat! But there may be worse to worry about ...

If (after comprehending the challenge) the man in your sights resorts to guesswork, he'll make a good fun companion but little more. If he opts for plumb-line and tape, you've found a handyman.

Tarzan Surveyor Chemistry-set Skyline Snakecharmer

If it's a theodolite he's more sophisticated. But if he shows up with beakers and pressure-gauges, just bolt, baby! You've bumbled onto a bore!

Lucky you if he gives an eyeline (or skyline) estimate - he's a romantic for sure. And you've found someone utterly unbelievable if he answers through charming calibrated snakes! If he sends up rockets and balloons he's amusing but probably superficial. And if he unpacks a yo-yo you're stuck on a simpleton. Should he use algebra, referencing sun and stars, he's frankly nostalgic. If he relies on the canon-shot principle he is quaint. If he consults an astrologist he's naturally fascinating. But calling in a conventional consultant shows he's major modern.

So, you've set him something to measure up...

If he knocks it down first he's untrustworthy. If he sets to climbing it he's a showoff. If he automatically looks down, he's high-minded. If he needs a calculator he's concealing something. But if he needs your encouragement he's perfect! Showing up with a paraglider means an excitement-machine, and being the envy of all your friends! Are you getting the hang of it?

If not, you'll probably never land any man! So let's simplify the remaining results of our rigorous research:

How would your wish-dish measure up?

A parting caution ...

If your dream duff has the answer before you've finished asking the question, he may have laid hands on time-warp technology. This always accretes into angering you (and all of us).